*Hi folks. Here is a guest post written by none other than the original Spawn of Satan himself. I bring to you, the Little man...please don't bring him back...
When I was five, I wrote my mum a letter which said:
'Mummy, you are the most wonderful mummy in the hole wide world
and I love you just the way you are'.
It's obviously different now!
It's not that she's a horrible mummy but she does have her moments.
The other day she announced quite loudly that her knickers were up her bum or as she put it, "I think my bum is trying to chew on my knickers." Then while she was busy trying pull her knickers from her bottom, she said, also loudly that they were obviously the invention of man because men got to wear boxers which aired out their bits while women's bits were suffocated and unable to breathe inside their tight briefs...which wouldn't have been So bad, if we weren't standing in qeue at our local supermarket.
She is also a vampire, preferring to light candles around the house, which means that when she's in the kitchen washing up at night, no-one can see through our windows. This is a good thing because my mummy is also a pervert.
The house opposite our house has a view inside a bedroom. The bedroom belongs to a man. The man always gets undressed in his bedroom. The man undresses right near his window...with the lights on...and the window wide open. My mum is always at the kitchen window when the man in the bedroom with the lights on and the window wide open, undresses.
She never pays any attention to the dishes as she tries to stand on tiptoes to see if the man is wearing any trousers, or not.
I'm always very thankful that we can't see the much of the man in the window and I'm doubly thankful that he can't see a strange woman staring at him, with her eyes hanging out on stalks and drooling at the mouth.
Hello, Lily here. Can I be so bold as to interject to the fact that I do NOT drool at the mouth. And until I receive a court/restraining order, taking away my rights to spy, there is nothing wrong with looking at something that I find aesthetically pleasing...especially when it's semi-naked. As you were.
As I said before, my mum is a pervert.
It's not all bad. We do laugh a lot and can be extremely silly together. We eat junk food and then complain that we both feel ill. We run about half naked and then complain that we're to cold. We stay up late and watch funny films and then moan when we are too tired the next day.
That's when she's not asking me if I'm gay (I'm not) or quizzing me about if theirs anyone I fancy. (I don't)
Or the fact that she has just been to the toilet and it felt like she was giving birth all over again
I hate it when she burns dinner and says, "It's not burnt, it's well done".
I hate it when she points to a homeless man in the streets and says, "Say hello to your new daddy"
I hate it when she farts and my head is under the blanket.
I hate it when she questions my friends about their love lives...we're only ten years old!!
I hate it when she shouts my name and I come running and she still shouts out my name even though I'm standing right in front of her and then she continues to keep shouting it for another 5 minutes even though we're now face to face. I hate that she thinks that that's funny, it's not.
My mum is very different to other mums. There's no-one else in the world quite like her...which is a good thing because I don't think that I could put up with two of them.
The little man.
*All pictures chosen by the lil man.
Though this doesn't paint me in quite the favorable light that I was hoping for, I have to say that I'm quite proud of his little writing style. With 2 blogs already out on a children's network, it want be long before he joins the rest of the adult blogosphere...and then God helps us all!!
Lily
When I was five, I wrote my mum a letter which said:
'Mummy, you are the most wonderful mummy in the hole wide world
and I love you just the way you are'.
It's obviously different now!
It's not that she's a horrible mummy but she does have her moments.
The other day she announced quite loudly that her knickers were up her bum or as she put it, "I think my bum is trying to chew on my knickers." Then while she was busy trying pull her knickers from her bottom, she said, also loudly that they were obviously the invention of man because men got to wear boxers which aired out their bits while women's bits were suffocated and unable to breathe inside their tight briefs...which wouldn't have been So bad, if we weren't standing in qeue at our local supermarket.
 |
| My mum's knickers...this is a size 'small'. |
She is also a vampire, preferring to light candles around the house, which means that when she's in the kitchen washing up at night, no-one can see through our windows. This is a good thing because my mummy is also a pervert.
The house opposite our house has a view inside a bedroom. The bedroom belongs to a man. The man always gets undressed in his bedroom. The man undresses right near his window...with the lights on...and the window wide open. My mum is always at the kitchen window when the man in the bedroom with the lights on and the window wide open, undresses.
She never pays any attention to the dishes as she tries to stand on tiptoes to see if the man is wearing any trousers, or not.
I'm always very thankful that we can't see the much of the man in the window and I'm doubly thankful that he can't see a strange woman staring at him, with her eyes hanging out on stalks and drooling at the mouth.
Hello, Lily here. Can I be so bold as to interject to the fact that I do NOT drool at the mouth. And until I receive a court/restraining order, taking away my rights to spy, there is nothing wrong with looking at something that I find aesthetically pleasing...especially when it's semi-naked. As you were.
As I said before, my mum is a pervert.
It's not all bad. We do laugh a lot and can be extremely silly together. We eat junk food and then complain that we both feel ill. We run about half naked and then complain that we're to cold. We stay up late and watch funny films and then moan when we are too tired the next day.
That's when she's not asking me if I'm gay (I'm not) or quizzing me about if theirs anyone I fancy. (I don't)
Or the fact that she has just been to the toilet and it felt like she was giving birth all over again
I hate it when she burns dinner and says, "It's not burnt, it's well done".
I hate it when she points to a homeless man in the streets and says, "Say hello to your new daddy"
I hate it when she farts and my head is under the blanket.
I hate it when she questions my friends about their love lives...we're only ten years old!!
I hate it when she shouts my name and I come running and she still shouts out my name even though I'm standing right in front of her and then she continues to keep shouting it for another 5 minutes even though we're now face to face. I hate that she thinks that that's funny, it's not.
 |
| Dinner...well done. |
My mum is very different to other mums. There's no-one else in the world quite like her...which is a good thing because I don't think that I could put up with two of them.
The little man.
*All pictures chosen by the lil man.
Though this doesn't paint me in quite the favorable light that I was hoping for, I have to say that I'm quite proud of his little writing style. With 2 blogs already out on a children's network, it want be long before he joins the rest of the adult blogosphere...and then God helps us all!!
Lily
4 comments:
Your little man is awesome! Thanks for making me smile! :)
No, thank you for your comment Krouth!
Yeah he is awesome but it's probably a good thing that my Lil man and your Sammi never meet up, can you imagine the damage those two could do together?
With their brains, they could take over the world...ooh, scary thought. lol
I really enjoyed reading this, I needed a good laugh!
Genius.
Just like his Mum, and him and Sammi...there's a thought :)
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